![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terribleturnipSo, I've had this conversation dozens of times, because, despite my advanced age, apparently being involved with "theater", having friends that eat fire, and knowing how to use Urban Dictionary make me an expert on things not completely conventional.
"Well, the problem with people who are trans or genderfluid is that I don't know what to call them."
Okay, that one's easy, my precious poppets. Call them by their NAME.
"Well, but it's just hard to know what pronouns to use. I mean, her brother introduced himself as Roberta and he was wearing make up but had men's clothing on, but also a bra, so I mean I just had no idea what pronouns to use."
Okay, so just ask Roberta which pronouns Roberta uses. Roberta is very used to that question. Roberta may well be thrilled that you, old white lady living in the country, would think to ask. (Please note, for the record, that it actually wasn't all THAT hard to not even use pronouns in that sentence.)
"Oh, I don't know, that seems so awkward."
Awkwarder than using Roberta three times in a row? Okay, then use use the person's NAME.
"Well, yes, but I don't know whether Roberta is a man or a woman. I mean he looks like a man, in his cargo shorts and polo shirt. But he's got make up on and a bra and is going by Roberta."
So, the default is to just use they/their/them. If they prefer something else, they'll likely tell you.
"But still, it's still so awkward, not knowing whether THEY are a man or a woman."
Mabel, seriously, it's not a binary thing. Let it gooooooo, as the chick from Frozen sings.
"But still, I want to know, I mean, it just makes it easier."
Mabel, are you sexually attracted to Roberta?
"Wait, what, no, I mean..."
Because the only possible reason I can see to obsess over exactly what someone's gender is, is if you want to have sex with them and you really prefer a given gender, whether physical or presentational.
"No, no, I'm not interested in Roberta that way!"
Okay, Mabel, then explain to me again, why it matters. Either get to know Roberta as a person, learn his/her/their/zhir pronouns, either by asking or just by casually overhearing in conversation. Or just stop giving a rat's patoot, because honestly, it's weird that you're obsessed with a near stranger's gender. You need a hobby, Mabel.
"Well, the problem with people who are trans or genderfluid is that I don't know what to call them."
Okay, that one's easy, my precious poppets. Call them by their NAME.
"Well, but it's just hard to know what pronouns to use. I mean, her brother introduced himself as Roberta and he was wearing make up but had men's clothing on, but also a bra, so I mean I just had no idea what pronouns to use."
Okay, so just ask Roberta which pronouns Roberta uses. Roberta is very used to that question. Roberta may well be thrilled that you, old white lady living in the country, would think to ask. (Please note, for the record, that it actually wasn't all THAT hard to not even use pronouns in that sentence.)
"Oh, I don't know, that seems so awkward."
Awkwarder than using Roberta three times in a row? Okay, then use use the person's NAME.
"Well, yes, but I don't know whether Roberta is a man or a woman. I mean he looks like a man, in his cargo shorts and polo shirt. But he's got make up on and a bra and is going by Roberta."
So, the default is to just use they/their/them. If they prefer something else, they'll likely tell you.
"But still, it's still so awkward, not knowing whether THEY are a man or a woman."
Mabel, seriously, it's not a binary thing. Let it gooooooo, as the chick from Frozen sings.
"But still, I want to know, I mean, it just makes it easier."
Mabel, are you sexually attracted to Roberta?
"Wait, what, no, I mean..."
Because the only possible reason I can see to obsess over exactly what someone's gender is, is if you want to have sex with them and you really prefer a given gender, whether physical or presentational.
"No, no, I'm not interested in Roberta that way!"
Okay, Mabel, then explain to me again, why it matters. Either get to know Roberta as a person, learn his/her/their/zhir pronouns, either by asking or just by casually overhearing in conversation. Or just stop giving a rat's patoot, because honestly, it's weird that you're obsessed with a near stranger's gender. You need a hobby, Mabel.
