Sep. 24th, 2009

terribleturnip: (percy)
Three days of all-day training sessions. Three days in a room that alternated between "hanging meat" cold and "bitch-slapped by menopause" hot. Three days in a chair that seems to have been designed to violate every ergonomic possibility. Thankfully the topic was interesting to me - contracting strategy and law. And the instructors kept it lively. For contracting strategy and law, that is.

I, of course, managed to put my own indelible stamp on the proceedings. I brought a truly full-blown head cold to the event. Guess how many people wanted to sit by me, after I set up my seat at the table, with its box of tissues, bottle of hand sanitizer (why, yes, I did sanitize my hands everytime I touched my face) and cough drops?

But I soldiered on. Volunteered to take the notes on the easel for our small breakout group, which meant that the marker fumes mixed with the clogged sinuses to make me positively loopy. Loopy enough that when someone said right before I started to present our notes "Make sure you project!" I defaulted to BFA. Thankfully I managed to hear myself right away and was able to finish the executive summary with just a hint of someone else's accent. Later I was accused of mocking our Canadian counterparts -- one of whom is South African -- and I owned that. It beats admitting that you're a RenFaire actor.

The next day, I tried to stifle a sneeze and farted instead. Because air pressure, like water, dogs and toddlers, goes where it can. My colleagues were professional enough not to say anything, and I hold on to the slim hope that maybe they were impressed with my ability to throw my voice...sneeze...under my chair.

Today, though, oh, my. Eyes crossing, head nodding, my restless legs who've been kept at bay by a homeopathic med, said screw you naturopathy, where's my allopathic valium. I'm going to give you kneejerks so hard you bonk the underside of the table. Which made me look oh, so graceful. So I sat funny, and woke up my sciatic nerve. O, yay.

But it's over now, and I'm much more learned. And....once I slog through the 30 voice mails and 237 e-mails that accumulated while I was gone....sigh.
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