terribleturnip

I'm still bloated with foodjoy from the southern-fried spread that Fetch treated us to last night. And of course, stayed up too late and my stupid damned neurotic dog who also had much fun hanging with Basil and stressing out because he was separated from us by a thin pane of glass and apparently the company of other greyhounds, cushy dog beds, toys and chewies were not enough consolation for not being able to TOUCH us...THAT damn dog, insisted that at 5am his bladder was going to blow.

And dinosaur that I am, I'm not including links -- google the quote, you clever monkeys, if you want the primary source or context. This ain't an academic exercise, it's comedy...

"Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the "bikini Olympics", claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."

Surely, Satan has things that make him happier, don't you think? I mean that quote reveals a certain lack of imagination, don't you think? Maybe that's the problem with crazy Muslim fundamentalists -- they have handicapped imaginations. They don't DREAM big enough. After all, this was a throwaway quote in an article about how he's calling for the death of Mickey Mouse, since Sharia requires the killing of household mice and Mickey is teaching kids to love mice. See what I mean? First of all, Mickey is not a household mouse, he OWNS a house. And people who love Mickey Mouse have no problem putting out a snap trap for Mickey's cousin who got into the cereal.

Mr Munajid needs to get out more. Like maybe to Disney World. Give him a week in the Polynesian Resort....help him get in touch with his inner child again, and dude, relax...and have a page through the Yellow Pages of any American city. I guarantee you that matched up against a comparably sized city where you live, we have WAAAY more pest control companies that you do.

And, thank goodness, they're coming out with ultra-premium 3 ply-toilet paper. Which is slightly absurd, but then I read this:

"(the company) plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."

Okay, call me sensitive, because I just joined that target market -- and I don't know if I'm ready to be lumped in with the octogenarians quite yet. But quality time, in the bathroom? Augh! Now, before you leap in there -- cause you have a much nicer bathroom than I do, and you love to have a good soak in the tub, with your candles and your...I dunno, whatever, like I have time to lay around in the bathtub? I'm sure it's lovely. Personally, I find the tub to be hard on my ass, I never can get all of the important bits under the water, it's just a matter of time until I fumble the book into the water, or knock a candle into the tub with me, or worse, out onto the mat -- and let me tell you THAT is not a good smell. And by the time I've run the water, set it up, got in (because I'm a hot water wuss, so it's like one paralyzing bodyinch at a time, that then gives the rest of me chills, which makes me want to pee before I get in there...and by the time I do get in there, relax, convince my self that I'm way more comfortable than I actually am, tell myself to stop obsessing about laying in tub of now less than clean water and what if THIS is the bath salts that gave me that rash last time, some pinhead rings the doorbell or the phone, or one of the dogs has to go out or...

But to my original point -- even if you enjoy that sort of thing more than I do -- they're not talking about a lovely tub soak here. This is toilet paper they want you to use. They're talking about quality time, sitting on the toilet.

I may be 45. I may work at a Renaissance Faire. My life may be disastrously crazy. But at least I don't consider my bathroom a "sanctuary" or time on the toilet to be "quality time".....