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Blue Tuesday
Sep. 4th, 2018 10:05 amSo thought I’d share this with you guys, to make you feel better about how your day is going. I decided it was time to have my snack of blueberries. I managed to hit the edge of the Tupperware container and flip the blueberries, pretty much in my lap, but also on my desk and some on the floor. Guys, SO MUCH blueberries. It’s like they multiplied once exposed to oxygen. The freaking Tardis of blueberries.
I congratulated myself for having worn all blue today, and painstakingly collected them from between my legs, hoping that a colleague would not walk by while I was fishing blueberries out of my crotch. Carefully, because you don’t want to burst those f***ers. Which I did, sort of sitting on one or two, but okay blue jeans and I’ve got spray cleaner for the pleather chair.
Then I push back my chair to collect the ones on the floor. Which I do, bumping my head on my desk several times because my cube is the size of a portapotty, albeit one that smells better and lacks a urinal.
Then I sit up and realize my fatal error. In pushing back my chair, I managed to roll over several blueberries, smearing them all over the carpet. Thankfully, I have hand sanitizer (did you know that hand sanitizer or hand wipes are pretty good at cleaning stains off fabric? It’s true) and paper towels, so scrub those stains out.
Utterly failing to realize that the blueberries are now mushed into the roller balls of the chair, and that in pushing my chair back to deal with trail of blueberry mush number one, I just created more blueberry mush trails.
Oh, yeah, and there's one smushed on the bottom of my shoe, now leaving a spot anywhere I put my foot down. And when I get up out of the chair to get the ones at the edges of my cube that aren’t mushed, that’s when two more mushed ones fall out of my crotch, leaving two more blueberry stains where I just cleaned the carpet.
I started my day unable to log in because they updated our system and I got kicked out. Now I’ve just spent 20 minutes cleaning up blueberry carnage, exhausting my supply of paper towels and hand sanitizer. It’s not even 10am and all I’ve done is make a mess. For everyone’s sake, it’s probably best if I just go home. But I mean, yay on me for wearing an entirely blue outfit! How prescient was that?
I congratulated myself for having worn all blue today, and painstakingly collected them from between my legs, hoping that a colleague would not walk by while I was fishing blueberries out of my crotch. Carefully, because you don’t want to burst those f***ers. Which I did, sort of sitting on one or two, but okay blue jeans and I’ve got spray cleaner for the pleather chair.
Then I push back my chair to collect the ones on the floor. Which I do, bumping my head on my desk several times because my cube is the size of a portapotty, albeit one that smells better and lacks a urinal.
Then I sit up and realize my fatal error. In pushing back my chair, I managed to roll over several blueberries, smearing them all over the carpet. Thankfully, I have hand sanitizer (did you know that hand sanitizer or hand wipes are pretty good at cleaning stains off fabric? It’s true) and paper towels, so scrub those stains out.
Utterly failing to realize that the blueberries are now mushed into the roller balls of the chair, and that in pushing my chair back to deal with trail of blueberry mush number one, I just created more blueberry mush trails.
Oh, yeah, and there's one smushed on the bottom of my shoe, now leaving a spot anywhere I put my foot down. And when I get up out of the chair to get the ones at the edges of my cube that aren’t mushed, that’s when two more mushed ones fall out of my crotch, leaving two more blueberry stains where I just cleaned the carpet.
I started my day unable to log in because they updated our system and I got kicked out. Now I’ve just spent 20 minutes cleaning up blueberry carnage, exhausting my supply of paper towels and hand sanitizer. It’s not even 10am and all I’ve done is make a mess. For everyone’s sake, it’s probably best if I just go home. But I mean, yay on me for wearing an entirely blue outfit! How prescient was that?
